i did well for my first semester. honestly, better then i expected so at least i am happy.

at least i learned one thing about last semester in order to get at least 3.5 next sem:

I MUST LEEEEEEARN HOW TOOOOO SUCCCK UP LIKE HOOW SOMEE MYYY CLASSSMATES DO.

Why do theatre people say "Break a Leg" rather than "Good Luck"?

i know the answwer

My dear friend, i don't like the direction that you're going to. it seems to lack the judgement that you used to.

Fear lulls our minds to sleep.
It'll turn us to cowards as well.

When you've seen too much, too young, you become a soulless person.
When we're young, our brains are swelling up and we become unstoppable that you can't come down to earth. Differentiate between what's real and what's not real and soon, the love for what you hide inside you, will grow like a new born.

Are we missing what it is to be alive?

i am not blessed with a father and being the only child, i have no one to talk to.
don't pity me because you shouldn't, i am much stronger without a father or even without a mom. yes, i don't believe that love is the most important thing that you need in this world because it was neither given nor showed to me what it is like.

i rarely cry when somebody die. i am not a male-chauvinistic bastard. i simply think it as a process to move on, more oxygen on earth, less carbon dioxide, and more space to live in this cramp country.

the most important thing in your life is not you what you have now, it's your future. that is what is important to me. i always think about the future. ironically, i tell myself sometimes not to think about it and take life day-by-day but cirumstances have prevented me to do so. i am not some rich guy who can ask money from their mom everyday. i don't live in a house that secludes me from a neighbourhood park. i don't wear branded stuff everyday just to show i can afford it.

the wish i always have is that i was born 50 years ago, where things were so much tougher. where you don't have to worry about technology. where everything is not about money. but then again, in this country?

ask yourself this question for those are really reading this post or my blog. what do you see in the future for you?

do you even see one?

if you do, think about it to yourself the steps you need to get there,
make sure you don't live in a world of fantasy, telling yourself you want to marry prince charming when you're just nobody compared to him.
stop telling yourself love prevails over everything like how it happens in the movies.
there's a reason why it only happens in the movies, because it never happens in real life and if it does, there is more complication than what is show on tv/movie.

i just can't believe i have come so far in life.
being in poly
having a girlfriend.
taking life seriously at this age, it seems surprising to me to do this because i have never thought about it 10 years ago.

things changed,
the way i think,
the way i perceived people and the way i talk to people.
some of them may not like it,
but i am being who i am.

for those who don't know, i am direcitng a play in the SDEA titled Paranoia's Box this Saturday at the Arts house so please do come down and support my hardworking production team for all the effort they have put in.

life isn't like a box of chocolates waiting for it to be eaten up. you gotta really see which ones taste nice and choose carefully, if you were to eat them up all together, all you might have is just an stomache.

i know why you choose to fall in love.

because you feel that there's somebody out there who you can talk and relate to. somebody who accepts you for who you are, the clothes that you wear, the thoughts that you have. and you like it. admit it, that's why you fall in love in the first place. whether the thoughts of that opposite gender it true or not, you don't care. what matters is that person makes you feel special.

are you the only one that he/she makes you feel special?

What is emotion?
Will my emotion be the same as others?
Definitely not.

And then there is emotions that are portrayed by actors whiuch are obviously be fake but that's the point. giving the feeling to the aducience that what is happening on the stage is real.

i am an actor offstage and onstage. my emotions sometimes are real and sometimes it's not but if you're good enough you should know when i am faking and portraying a feeling that i am not raelly feeling at that time. but isn't that life, you need to be somebody to please everyone around you so that's why you have to adapt to people so that they will be happy. we eat each other up until to the bone and then after that people can still live happily because we live in a system that we cannot complain, we cannot think outside the box, we cannot tell what we feel but it might be 'systemically' wrong

It seems to be I am hating the things I see now. We humans can either do two things. We either don't care about what's happening around us and live life as it is. Or we scrutinize every single thing that we see.

The way you walk, the way you talk, the clothes you wear, how big your thighs are.

These details you look at when you're walking down the street or even just doing your test in class.

We human beings are just being human. I wish everybody was just special.

I need to change everything I am and everything I was. It's already the point of time I have to think about myself because hard times are coming ahead.

random rant

I took a ride to the end of the line where nobody ever goes which ended up in a broken train where nobody there i know.

Now that I am lost and I am screaming for help, somebody tells me to relax, take it easy.

There is an answer to the darkest times.