Solo Platform series is done.
I am quite happy upset with it although i missed a big chunk of it.
Anyhoos, I would definitely want to try it again.

i have to let it all out.
it's a 5 minute monologue and yet a missed a whole chunk of it plus the sound cue which thanks to david, it wasn't obvious.
i can't believe it that i had a hard time to memorise my lines properly for a 5-7 minute monologue whilst in RCI i did the memorising better. i am not trying to be a perfectionist here but it just hits my head hard that maybe i didn't try my best. afterall, i only finished writing the script 4 days before the performance.

well, now it's to direct my sdea.
*think of happy thoughts*

in time, we all know that we're going to die one day. all we're doing is waiting for it to happen. our death is the only thing can we can't witness, together with our birth. everything else, we've seen with our own eyes.

i didn't believe in my birth or in my upcoming death because i have always believed in what i have seen. i thought it was miracly popped out from the sky. god's unwanted children. but yes, every now and then i have to believe in it because it's inevitable.

we're too stuck down to what we're doing.
too engrossed in so many things.
making sure there's no mistakes.
sucking up to teachers for good grades.
to eat at cheap places.
contantly thinking about money.
what things i can buy when the pay comes in
what i will be eating today
ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC

yes, at this point of the post, i am very frustrated.
at times, i contemplate whether i should punch myself in the face to feel alive. or just do something that builds up the anxiety so that you won't be thinking about those/things around you. you'll just feel yourself.

if you're reading this post, just close your eyes.
eliminate all the distractions around you.
off that music.
and think about yourself.
feel your heartbeat.
and forget about everything you know.

let's fuck redemption

If I don't say anything, people always assume the worse.

Do not think you're flying high because you dare to be outrageous.
It doesn't work with me.
Friends that i have that are outrageous, are fine because they know their limit.
But hey, if you're going to be outrageous within the first few hours i met you,
prepare to get a coffin with your outrageous outfit,
you clown.

I enjoyed attending weddings I was 9 years old because I could eat all the time and get commented how big i've grown by my relatives whom I don't visit often but act as if they know me well. So while my mom was attending to relatives, I was playing hide and seek with kids whom I don't really know.

At 10, I didn't care wearing anything nice. I followed for the sake of following my mom. I didn't like it because I have people who don't see me often come talking to me and I don't like it. At that point of time, I was anti-social with my relatives.

But it was different with friends. I liked to know people more and mingle with them.

At 13, when I was a teenager, I moved up the "ranks" so I stop playing hide and seek at the playground. I started 'helping' out in the wedding, serving people, giving out souveniers to guest who came. Exploitation I say. Helping a married couple whom i rarely know?

At 15, I didn't like weddings at all.

At 18, I started going weddings of friends that really mean to me. Well, that's the least I could do. Friends whom you can't call late at night to go out anymore. Friends that will be a father soon and we'll spending less time hanging out. Well, I rather attend their weddings.

At 19, at the end of 2008, I will be attending one of my friends.
aha, don't worry Ivy.

Man, I see in this country the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire nation thinking about money, being kiasu; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd be the perfect humans, a peaceful and fair place, and rich, and equal. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off.

adapted from The Fight Club

drama camp ended yesterday.
boy it was fun eventhough i was able to participate only 30% of the time because of my fyp commitment.
thanks to the committee who made it possible and those who attended it.
sometimes, when i see them laughing and smiling, it just makes the worry go away. but at times, it will come back like bullet hitting me out of nowhere and i have to worry about them, again.

okay, get ready, maybe today's post will be a long one.

the past few days, i've been seeing a lot different people. those who treat friendships seriously, those who like to talk and make people laugh, those who don't bear any grudges when you do something wrong to them, those who can't take life easy, etc.

sometimes, friendship, boy, i really wonder whether they will last long. or will it just last as long you study the same school as the person. those who know me well enough, i always talk about friendship in this blog or the previous blog that i have. i really treasure them. like gareth who's going away, knowing that guy for all my poly life, when he first brought me into drama, well, i can't thank him enough. he's going off to boston anyway sometimes i crack jokes about him regarding 'clam chowders' , 'gucci', 'putting C4's somewhere'. aha. and his ever malay-related jokes. and during the last night of drama camp when he proposed a drink for him, i really can't forget that. good luck gareth, and remember the camera promise!

friends come and go. true friendship, i hope the last forever. that's why i love to take life easy. because i know i've got friends around me. you don't have to be a perfectionist to make life 'what you want'. if you are going to look at every single detail around you and making sure they go right, i feel that's not right. somebody told me yesteday, don't be afraid to make mistakes. it's good that you make mistakes, that there's an imperfection but know that you put in effort into it. FAIL GLORIOUSLY. and learn from it.

i have failed many times. i would rather fail many times then perfecting something for so long and the process wouldn't be the same. so what you fail? it doesn't mean you're not good. why do you care if people mock you for that? they can only mock you if they haven't failed in life.

life, take it easy. one day at a time
that's how i'm living my life.

Actor's aren't honest.

You're able to show emotions you don't have,

or at which, at most, you invent.

Right now you could be thinking,

'This guy can't even act and he's talking about acting',

'A pain in the ass.'

But some actors are good,

they don't have to show it.