A pregnant lady enjoying coffee


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As years goes by I forget to wish you on your birthday. Maybe because you don't matter anymore.

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It doesn't matter how hard it seems to me.

These pull ups I do does not show the test of my strength. It's all about how long you want to hang there. It's not the amount of times you pull yourself up. It is about how much I will feel tired at the end of day. Only then I know that i have pushed myself to the max.

So what if I'm short and fat. I'm being the best that i can be. Are you at your best before you question me? Before you question people, think clearly where you stand. And everytime you disrespect me I'm gonna bite you hard.

Why so
Serious meow?

Granny and rahil









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you keep the sunshine, leave the rain.

We're all singled by our desires

procastination.
i know you like to procastinate and end up not doing.
"i will study today with no interruption"
then comes along a friend with coffee.

we, cannot not procastinate. we do it subconsciously.

life is about living it fearlessly.

they'll throw you into the deep abyss, hurl abuses at you, make you feel like shit, think that you're not worth being their flesh and blood and after all this, they love you.

d is born.

d is cute, chubby and has big eyes.

D grows up to be a naughty boy but parents love him to the core.

D eats from his mothers hand, learns football from the father's feet.

D falls down from the tricycle, they bring him to the hospital.

D sticks out his tongue, they stick out their tongue.

D goes to school crying, but comes back happily with an ice-cream in his hand.

D gets scolded for being lazy.

D is not sad.

D forgets to do his homework one day.

D's teacher calls his father.

D's father says that this is last warning

D accidentally pushes a boy down the stairs.

D gets punished.

D's father beats him up.

D cries.

D's mother cries.

D goes to bed with swollen eyes.

D feels agitated.

D starts to throw things around.

D punches and kicks his father as he tries to calm him down.

......

Arrest me, i am a liability. i will cause harm without me knowing. arrest me, it's been done before at least 20 times. arrest me.

I just want to live te raast if my life doing theate but I know that it is a dream that I won't be able to fulfill

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The feeling has come back again. I hate book ins

This might take a while to figure out now so I won't rush it

army's over!

now over to police. yipeee.... i think.

It's never too late to become what you might have been

there's a name in my head,
that can't seem to go away,
there's a face in my head,
that bounds to make me sway.

best great spy experiment gig i ever went to.

i am going to miss comfortable beds soon.

i want to get 2 years over and done with.

tell me your hopes and fears. only deeper conversations from now on.

i don't know whether i'm with this world or not.
all i know is my mind that i've got
my mind wants to to say something,
all it says nothing.
come on now and don't keep quiet on this monstrosity
come out now and keep up out this stupidity.

Death frees every soul.

i like the queens. freddie mecury was in queens. he was born in india. he's a good singer. his chemistry with the band is good. but Aids fucked freddie mecury. another one bites the dust. aids could have stopped cold? never mind that. When the americans hear about AIDS, they associate it with gay people because they deserve to get it. any white boy who has unprotected sex with HIV carrier will get aids, kindergarten stuff. That's how people thought 20 years ago and some still think that way. People were born with different thinking. AIDS is biology and thus anybody will be affectged regardless of sexual orientation. did i just repeat this fact? i did. Nevertheless, this is a prime example of how religion is such a danger. One must know about the history of the earth. If not for the fucking asteriods that wiped out the dinosaurs, we won't be here. Even then, there is strong evidence that climate change nearly wiped us out too. Did you know that now we can decipher 3 human species. This means that we are part of nature. (e.g. different species of cats, lions and cougars, etc).I believe (but not strongly anymore) that tere might be a god (super intelligence that made the whole fucking UNIVERSE) but then he doesn't give a shit whether you are good or bad because if he does, then he must have a fucking super ego.

Who the fuck he/she think they are? Waah! I can't live life on my own terms but must live under some fucking rules? What the fuck? IF YOU GET HOOKED ON ASTRONOMY, YOU WILL SEE THAT THERE ARE BILLIONS OF GALAXIES, IN OTHER WORDS THERE IS LIFE OUT THERE. ONE DAY WHEN FIND LIFE, THEN OUR RELIGIOUS INSTITUTIONS WILL SIMPLY COLLAPSE LEADING TO HOPEFULLY CHAOS AND MASS SUICIDES ( a good way of getting rid of El Stupidos)

What if I didn't have to continue studying anything related to science.
I don't think everybody really studied to become what they are now.

What if I could just live my life day by day?
Not to worry about money, not to worry whether I will get retrenched. I don't have to get a full-time job. I can always be a freelancer. There's more fulfilment when getting paid at the end of the project, rather getting paid every month on the same date.

What if I could just really do what I like?
I know that for these past few years, I have been changing my interest. But now that I have found something I know that I won't regret doing for the rest of my life, the only stopping me is that it has not whatsoever relation to my qualifications. Will I be considered as somebody who strayed away or somebody who can't decide what he wants?

What if I was rich?
This is definitely is in everybody's 'What if' list. People like to spend as soon as they become rich, I have never seen somebody who just live life normally. You don't see rich people living life normally, because it feels good when your status is above than everyone else when you have something they don't have.

Just think about it.

What if you.....

19. I want to arrive in this northwestern Russian City, the cool summer St Petersburg of my fantasy for more than 19 years.

17. A tired-looking boy limps into the classroom, his bag full of books.
An angry man storms out of the house, with his wife following him by.
A limping man smiling after coming out of the coffeeshop.

13. In front of me was a flashing series of my own life that seemed to grow complicated as years go by. And as I stared at it, I told myself that I can't just sit down and let my life go like that. I have to decide on my own future. 

Time never stands still for you. But sometimes, you wish that you could just slow down time when you want to savour the moment. Or speed up time when something is just too boring. 

But sometimes, it just happens to me. Like when I'm smoking. Inhaling the smoke and when I finally exhale it out, everything seem so slow. Every word somebody was saying, every car that was passing by, every heart beat you could feel, "lub dub lub dub". And then suddenly time goes back to normal and suddenly everything feels normal again. 

That's when you know you have to stub out your cigarette. You crack your knuckles, breathe in deeply and just sip the coffee right in front of you.

That satisfaction cost me 50 cents.

when watching movies, you are so sick with happy endings but sometimes we should see the true side of life. you can have one moment of happiness and then it can fade away.

When you’re born you get a ticket to a bullshit show. When you're in drama, you get a front-row seat.

it's a time when i saw a miracle, to pull me through.

come on change the course of history, to pull me through.

i have to change everything i am,

because battles and fights have begun.

my hard times are ahead,

can't let myself go,

can't let myself down,

the last chance have arrived.

and surprisingly, i'm feeling good.

condolences to the family of Ms Lo Hwei Yen

this shows terrorism always never fails to make life unfair. we, singaporeans, take life for granted. we only cry when we lose someone.

knowledge in itself, is wholly insufficient to solve problems in an ever increasing complex world.
nurturing of internal attributes like initiative, perseverance, creativity, synergizing of related and unrelated facts, self confidence and independence to find and assimilate new knowledge that are the key factors for success.

i am going to tell you next what i am afraid the most.

i am afraid that i will die soon. i may be young, yet to hit 20. but i worry everyday that i will die the next day. i am so conscious about things around me. what to eat, what not to drink. i just don't want to die young. there is so many things i want to do. so many things to achieve.

why can't people take life so easy? every single thing you must worry. every single thing you must complain. every single thing you must overtake the other person. i really hate this kind of people. so much competition. today as i was alighting from the bus, the lady from behind squeezed past me eventhough i've already tapped my card.

look so fat and sleepy. and an old MAN. more like a taxi driver who stole his passengers shirt and ended up at east coast park posing when taking picture

don't use the word sorry frequently. saying sorry just gives another chance for to make the mistake again and you have to say sorry again. say sorry when you really mean. and if somebody asks for forgiveness, be forgiving and caring, respond back and say 'it's okay' or say something about it.

people nowadays don't say thank you or welcome. the other day, when i was approaching the shopping centre doors. as i was about to open it, there was this guy who opened the door for me. before i wanted to say thanks, he said 'welcome'.

it just hit me. not that he was weird in doing that but nobody does that these days.

i just tell myself, we have to be polite no matter how rich or educated we are. we cannot be arrogant. learn how to say thank you and welcome.

thanks for reading my post if you are reading it.

Birds flying high
You know how I feel
Sun in the sky
You know how I feel
Breeze driftin' on by
You know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me..
And I'm feeling good

Fish in the sea
You know how I feel
River running free
You know how I feel
Blossom in the trees
You know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me...
And I'm feeling good

Dragonfly out in the sun
You know what I mean, don't you know
Butterflies all having fun
You know what I mean
Sleep in peace
When, the this day is done
And this old world
Is a new world
And a bold world
For me...

Stars when you shine
You know how I feel
Scent of the pine
You know how I feel
yeah, freedom is mine
And you know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me...

yeah, ooh
Oh, ooh...

Oooh, ooh..free, free loving you...
Oooh, oooh
Feeling good

I say this with complete love. Claim your life. Learn to be an asshole.

A disease of the mind

did i tell you how kental my gf is?

and how much i love her?

i did well for my first semester. honestly, better then i expected so at least i am happy.

at least i learned one thing about last semester in order to get at least 3.5 next sem:

I MUST LEEEEEEARN HOW TOOOOO SUCCCK UP LIKE HOOW SOMEE MYYY CLASSSMATES DO.

Why do theatre people say "Break a Leg" rather than "Good Luck"?

i know the answwer

My dear friend, i don't like the direction that you're going to. it seems to lack the judgement that you used to.

Fear lulls our minds to sleep.
It'll turn us to cowards as well.

When you've seen too much, too young, you become a soulless person.
When we're young, our brains are swelling up and we become unstoppable that you can't come down to earth. Differentiate between what's real and what's not real and soon, the love for what you hide inside you, will grow like a new born.

Are we missing what it is to be alive?

i am not blessed with a father and being the only child, i have no one to talk to.
don't pity me because you shouldn't, i am much stronger without a father or even without a mom. yes, i don't believe that love is the most important thing that you need in this world because it was neither given nor showed to me what it is like.

i rarely cry when somebody die. i am not a male-chauvinistic bastard. i simply think it as a process to move on, more oxygen on earth, less carbon dioxide, and more space to live in this cramp country.

the most important thing in your life is not you what you have now, it's your future. that is what is important to me. i always think about the future. ironically, i tell myself sometimes not to think about it and take life day-by-day but cirumstances have prevented me to do so. i am not some rich guy who can ask money from their mom everyday. i don't live in a house that secludes me from a neighbourhood park. i don't wear branded stuff everyday just to show i can afford it.

the wish i always have is that i was born 50 years ago, where things were so much tougher. where you don't have to worry about technology. where everything is not about money. but then again, in this country?

ask yourself this question for those are really reading this post or my blog. what do you see in the future for you?

do you even see one?

if you do, think about it to yourself the steps you need to get there,
make sure you don't live in a world of fantasy, telling yourself you want to marry prince charming when you're just nobody compared to him.
stop telling yourself love prevails over everything like how it happens in the movies.
there's a reason why it only happens in the movies, because it never happens in real life and if it does, there is more complication than what is show on tv/movie.

i just can't believe i have come so far in life.
being in poly
having a girlfriend.
taking life seriously at this age, it seems surprising to me to do this because i have never thought about it 10 years ago.

things changed,
the way i think,
the way i perceived people and the way i talk to people.
some of them may not like it,
but i am being who i am.

for those who don't know, i am direcitng a play in the SDEA titled Paranoia's Box this Saturday at the Arts house so please do come down and support my hardworking production team for all the effort they have put in.

life isn't like a box of chocolates waiting for it to be eaten up. you gotta really see which ones taste nice and choose carefully, if you were to eat them up all together, all you might have is just an stomache.

i know why you choose to fall in love.

because you feel that there's somebody out there who you can talk and relate to. somebody who accepts you for who you are, the clothes that you wear, the thoughts that you have. and you like it. admit it, that's why you fall in love in the first place. whether the thoughts of that opposite gender it true or not, you don't care. what matters is that person makes you feel special.

are you the only one that he/she makes you feel special?

What is emotion?
Will my emotion be the same as others?
Definitely not.

And then there is emotions that are portrayed by actors whiuch are obviously be fake but that's the point. giving the feeling to the aducience that what is happening on the stage is real.

i am an actor offstage and onstage. my emotions sometimes are real and sometimes it's not but if you're good enough you should know when i am faking and portraying a feeling that i am not raelly feeling at that time. but isn't that life, you need to be somebody to please everyone around you so that's why you have to adapt to people so that they will be happy. we eat each other up until to the bone and then after that people can still live happily because we live in a system that we cannot complain, we cannot think outside the box, we cannot tell what we feel but it might be 'systemically' wrong

It seems to be I am hating the things I see now. We humans can either do two things. We either don't care about what's happening around us and live life as it is. Or we scrutinize every single thing that we see.

The way you walk, the way you talk, the clothes you wear, how big your thighs are.

These details you look at when you're walking down the street or even just doing your test in class.

We human beings are just being human. I wish everybody was just special.

I need to change everything I am and everything I was. It's already the point of time I have to think about myself because hard times are coming ahead.

random rant

I took a ride to the end of the line where nobody ever goes which ended up in a broken train where nobody there i know.

Now that I am lost and I am screaming for help, somebody tells me to relax, take it easy.

There is an answer to the darkest times.

Hi all,

i do'ntk now why i still keep this blog. but yeah. it's probably the only time for me to write especially now when i am bored in class.

IGNITE was a blast i have to say. i was really not expecting such a good event especially on the second day. maybe afterall the school is capable of doing such stuff and it's good because this is the point of time i really enjoyed. it.

Be free of desolation and despair.
Life is like a movie, you're the director, you can change what's happening.

Don't bloody negative all the time.
You keep asking yourself when will your loneliness be over.

If only the world lived without money, without greed, without materialism.
Can I just give you something that is worth for the thing that I want.
Nah, that can't happen.
Especially now.

Barter trading. How I wish I was born 400 years ago.

it seems that a lot of peopel need to have a reality check. stop living in a world that everything is alright. that everything will be fine if you do something wrong.

NO!

that is not the case. do not presume that everything will be alright if you do something wrong.

DO SOMETHING about it.

i dreamt that i had tattoos all over my body

I say never be complete, I say stop being perfect, I say let... lets evolve, let the chips fall where they may

happy birthday to my dear girlfriend whom i love so much in this world.

who am i to you

he he he

he he he.

i feel so evil

he he he

my mind is really screwing up leftrighttopdownside.
this is why.

i've got fluid in my lungs that i have to constantly cough it out.
i can't smoke because of this
i lost my phone.
i lost my keys
i found my phone.
i've got fyp presentation this weekend.

i'm going to go crazy, and all i want is to sleep.

my fucking ear is blocked because i played the music in the bus too loud. now there's this ringing tone.

me and shaun finally trashed everything out regarding the script. looks like we have some solid things to work on.

god, my ear hurts.

Solo Platform series is done.
I am quite happy upset with it although i missed a big chunk of it.
Anyhoos, I would definitely want to try it again.

i have to let it all out.
it's a 5 minute monologue and yet a missed a whole chunk of it plus the sound cue which thanks to david, it wasn't obvious.
i can't believe it that i had a hard time to memorise my lines properly for a 5-7 minute monologue whilst in RCI i did the memorising better. i am not trying to be a perfectionist here but it just hits my head hard that maybe i didn't try my best. afterall, i only finished writing the script 4 days before the performance.

well, now it's to direct my sdea.
*think of happy thoughts*

in time, we all know that we're going to die one day. all we're doing is waiting for it to happen. our death is the only thing can we can't witness, together with our birth. everything else, we've seen with our own eyes.

i didn't believe in my birth or in my upcoming death because i have always believed in what i have seen. i thought it was miracly popped out from the sky. god's unwanted children. but yes, every now and then i have to believe in it because it's inevitable.

we're too stuck down to what we're doing.
too engrossed in so many things.
making sure there's no mistakes.
sucking up to teachers for good grades.
to eat at cheap places.
contantly thinking about money.
what things i can buy when the pay comes in
what i will be eating today
ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC ETC

yes, at this point of the post, i am very frustrated.
at times, i contemplate whether i should punch myself in the face to feel alive. or just do something that builds up the anxiety so that you won't be thinking about those/things around you. you'll just feel yourself.

if you're reading this post, just close your eyes.
eliminate all the distractions around you.
off that music.
and think about yourself.
feel your heartbeat.
and forget about everything you know.

let's fuck redemption

If I don't say anything, people always assume the worse.

Do not think you're flying high because you dare to be outrageous.
It doesn't work with me.
Friends that i have that are outrageous, are fine because they know their limit.
But hey, if you're going to be outrageous within the first few hours i met you,
prepare to get a coffin with your outrageous outfit,
you clown.

I enjoyed attending weddings I was 9 years old because I could eat all the time and get commented how big i've grown by my relatives whom I don't visit often but act as if they know me well. So while my mom was attending to relatives, I was playing hide and seek with kids whom I don't really know.

At 10, I didn't care wearing anything nice. I followed for the sake of following my mom. I didn't like it because I have people who don't see me often come talking to me and I don't like it. At that point of time, I was anti-social with my relatives.

But it was different with friends. I liked to know people more and mingle with them.

At 13, when I was a teenager, I moved up the "ranks" so I stop playing hide and seek at the playground. I started 'helping' out in the wedding, serving people, giving out souveniers to guest who came. Exploitation I say. Helping a married couple whom i rarely know?

At 15, I didn't like weddings at all.

At 18, I started going weddings of friends that really mean to me. Well, that's the least I could do. Friends whom you can't call late at night to go out anymore. Friends that will be a father soon and we'll spending less time hanging out. Well, I rather attend their weddings.

At 19, at the end of 2008, I will be attending one of my friends.
aha, don't worry Ivy.

Man, I see in this country the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire nation thinking about money, being kiasu; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd be the perfect humans, a peaceful and fair place, and rich, and equal. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off.

adapted from The Fight Club

drama camp ended yesterday.
boy it was fun eventhough i was able to participate only 30% of the time because of my fyp commitment.
thanks to the committee who made it possible and those who attended it.
sometimes, when i see them laughing and smiling, it just makes the worry go away. but at times, it will come back like bullet hitting me out of nowhere and i have to worry about them, again.

okay, get ready, maybe today's post will be a long one.

the past few days, i've been seeing a lot different people. those who treat friendships seriously, those who like to talk and make people laugh, those who don't bear any grudges when you do something wrong to them, those who can't take life easy, etc.

sometimes, friendship, boy, i really wonder whether they will last long. or will it just last as long you study the same school as the person. those who know me well enough, i always talk about friendship in this blog or the previous blog that i have. i really treasure them. like gareth who's going away, knowing that guy for all my poly life, when he first brought me into drama, well, i can't thank him enough. he's going off to boston anyway sometimes i crack jokes about him regarding 'clam chowders' , 'gucci', 'putting C4's somewhere'. aha. and his ever malay-related jokes. and during the last night of drama camp when he proposed a drink for him, i really can't forget that. good luck gareth, and remember the camera promise!

friends come and go. true friendship, i hope the last forever. that's why i love to take life easy. because i know i've got friends around me. you don't have to be a perfectionist to make life 'what you want'. if you are going to look at every single detail around you and making sure they go right, i feel that's not right. somebody told me yesteday, don't be afraid to make mistakes. it's good that you make mistakes, that there's an imperfection but know that you put in effort into it. FAIL GLORIOUSLY. and learn from it.

i have failed many times. i would rather fail many times then perfecting something for so long and the process wouldn't be the same. so what you fail? it doesn't mean you're not good. why do you care if people mock you for that? they can only mock you if they haven't failed in life.

life, take it easy. one day at a time
that's how i'm living my life.

Actor's aren't honest.

You're able to show emotions you don't have,

or at which, at most, you invent.

Right now you could be thinking,

'This guy can't even act and he's talking about acting',

'A pain in the ass.'

But some actors are good,

they don't have to show it.

Points of my thoughts

i am superman
i am batman
i want to be successful

I want to sing.
sing sing sing. singing in the rain etc etc....

i want to learn live life without any worries.
my neck hurts.
so does my feet.
i sweat a lot during soccer just now.
sweet gf bought macs breakfast.
thank you

i need to update my playlist.
too much club songs is going to make my head hurt.
listening to Halo by Haley James scott.
Champions league in 4 hours!!!
glory glory man united!
tomorrow got drama workshop.
should i still be in drama?
let others be more involved?

i miss my gf.
i want to kiss my gf on the cheek and tell her i love her and then stick out my tongue.

sorry shaun.
finishing publicity photo for SDEA.
got lab management tomorrow
i hate my lab management facilitator.
drama camp in 2 weeks.
can't wait.


my room is damn messy.
i need to mop the room.
i hate STOMP so much but yet i visit it.
how contradicting.
i need to get my bike license.
i am planning to get it by september.
i need money
man u please win tomorrow

i feel fat.
lose weight
no time.
vegetarian food at w6 seems nice.

fuck
cannot swear
not nice word
really
use hand signs instead

Oh Girl, I'm into you

I rarely upload song lyrics because they take darn too much space but this was kinda meaningful to me.

With You
I need you boo
I gotta see you boo
And there's hearts all over the world tonight
Said there's hearts all over the world tonight
I need you boo
I gotta see you boo
And there's hearts all over the world tonight
Said there's hearts all over the world tonight

Hey lil mama, ooh you're a stunner
Hot little figure, yes you a winner, and
I'm so glad to be yours
You're a class of your own and
Ooh little cutie, when you talk to me
I swear the whole world stops
You're my sweetheart and
I'm so glad that you're mine
You are one of a kind, and
You mean to me what I mean to you
And together baby there is nothing we won't do

'Cause if I got you
I don't need money
I don't need cars
Girl you're my heart

And oh, I'm into you and
Girl no one else would do
With every kiss and every hug
You make me fall in love
And now I know I can't be the only one
I bet there's hearts all over the world tonight
With the love of their life who feel
What I feel when I'm with you, with you, with you, with you, with you... girl
With you, with you, with you, with you, with you... Oh girl

I don't want nobody else
Without you there's noone left, and
You're like Jordans on Saturday
I gotta have you and I cannot wait now
Hey lil shorty, say you care for me
You know I care for you
You know that I will be true
You know that I won't lie
You know that I will try
Be your everything
[ With You lyrics found on http://www.completealbumlyrics.com ]

'Cause if I got you
I don't need money
I don't need cars
Girl you're my heart

Oh, I'm into you and
Girl no one else would do
With every kiss and every hug
You make me fall in love
And now I know I can't be the only one
I bet there's hearts all over the world tonight
With the love of their life who feel
What I feel when I'm with you, with you, with you, with you, with you... ohhh
With you, with you, with you, with you, with you... Yeah

And I will never try
To deny that you are my whole life
'Cause if you ever let me go
I would die so I won't run
I don't need another woman
I just need you or nothing
'Cause if I got that
Then I'll be straight
Baby you're the best part of my day

I need you boo
I gotta see you boo
And there's hearts all over the world tonight
Said there's hearts all over the world tonight
They need their boo
They gotta see their boo
Said there's hearts all over the world tonight
Hearts all over the world tonight

And oh, I'm into you and
Girl no one else would do
With every kiss and every hug
You make me fall in love
And now I know I can't be the only one
I bet there's hearts all over the world tonight
With the love of their life who feel
What I feel when I'm with you, with you, with you, with you, with you... ohhh(girl)
With you, with you, with you, with you, with you... ohhh
With you, with you, with you, with you, with you...
With you, with you, with you, with you, with you...
Baby yeah

Happy 1 Year Anniversary

Happy 1 year Anniversary

Politics.
You cannot escape it.
You'll see it everywhere.
In the country
in school
among your friends
even on bed.

I cannot stand it when people are so competitive during class. It's lab management and they dwell so much into the scientific terms. Just openly say that you want the A and you're willing to lick pu**y to get it. Wondering where I got that term from? It's similar to boot licking. It's just that the teacher gets orgasmic when somebody is so competitive.

I guess this is where you get your politic instinct from and become politicians. Not being afraid to argue about a point and be able to be diplomatic after that. But too bad, since when diploma graduates are able to go into politics and become successful.

I just don't understand what does the route that you take determine what type of person you are. Just because you took the diploma route and take your degree and further it, you're different from somebody who took A levels and took degree.

That aside, maybe today I'll post something happy and simple for the sake of xY.
1 more day, and it's my 1 year anniversary with my dear darling.
1 year has passed so fast and i just can't believe it's 1 year already.
so much joy,
If you think i am your world to you baby,
you were already to me before that.

In a few hours, it's going to be mother's day.
I hope that I can make my mom happy on that day.
That's the least I can do.

These days, I've been ever so concious about my relationship with her.
She's the only I've got in this family.
It'll be my life's biggest if I regret on our relationship while she's still alive.
Family, I guess that's the most important thing I have now.

The school is a place where you go and study.
That is where you are going to learn about new things.
The palce where you make more friends that you already have but have no time for them.

Where it seems to be nice everywhere, even the people around you but you don't know what happens when you turn your back.

Everybody is looking at you, your every move, your every sentence and your gesture.

Cameras don't even spare you. They track down the movement of everyone including visitors to the school. Cameras is a neccesity to ensure that the school keeps it a safe environment so that outsiders don't come in and create trouble. But what if these exact cameras make you feel so constricted? Where's the privacy? There is absolutely no privacy when you film someone walking down the hall with your girlfriend or your friends.

The organization in school as we call it the Ambassadors. They remind me of a particulary popular and possesive group in Singapore which existence is so powerful that anything said against it, actions will be taken. No freedom of speech.

I don't really make sense now. Just felt like typing.

I have been watching tamil movies and listening to tamil songs. like seriously.

i just like it and it makes me feel so relaxed actually listening to something that i can hardly understand except for a few words.

for those who don't know, i come from an indian background where my mother's side speak tamil fluently except for me. my cousins all took tamil as their second language.

initially back in primary school, there was this argument between my parents and my mom's parents on which mother tongue i should take. it was become so big that i resorted to speaking both the languages but more of tamil whenever i'm in my grandparent's place. my late grandfather didn't like it when i speak english to him because he deemed it as being superior. how does language diffentiate your status? it's just that i was fortunate enough to master the english language unlike him where he spoke mostly tamil when he was my age. i think that that time, they didn't even think about speaking other languages at all because if they were seen talking other languages, they were considered weird.

Stubborn people.

Is it because they're stubborn because of circumstances or they just want to seek attention or they're just plain determined in whatever they do?

I don't really know and I don't want to find it either. Sometimes when you try so hard to help this people through many ways, be it good, bad, sarcastic or in a funny way, they just don't want to change. I may not be someone who goes to a person and say you're stubborn if if I know that person is going through a hard time. But hey, everybody goes through a hard time. It's just how you take it. I always remembered what Rocky Balboa said in his last movie, "It doesn't matter how hard you hit. It matters how hard you can get hit and still stand in ring." Even though it's pretty much a movie, I always followed in heart.

Fight on stubborn people, because I will never stop trying to help.

That was that.
Now is now.
More productions for Drama.Republic this year.
Watch this space.

AHA. So advert.
I just like this picture.
I am in love with myself,
NOT.

to the butteflies that are flying aimlessly,
the wish that once in me to be like them,
flying gracefully yet unpredictable in their directions,
without a care in the world.
being clipped of your wings,
it's just so hard to move.
a butterfly without it's wing,
the beauty of life is just lost.

Crap.
I haven't been updating that much because school's so busy. Occupied with work. Occupied with drama. and talking to Bj ALOT. Sigh.

i don't know what to write.

Life is a journey to seek for a happiness.

And to lose other happiness at the same time.

Stomp.

I'm definitely not going to dance for you when you hear that word.
Neither am I going to hear noisy sounds when I walk.


It's a website created by Singaporeans, for Singaporeans. I have been visiting it for the past 3 weeks and what I've known it's a really amusing. Singaporeans complaining about singaporeans. Singaporeans complaining; from small to big stuffs. From girls eating in the trains, to people committing suicide. This is like the news for Singaporeans who don't wish to buy the paper and give them the opportunity to criticize their own countrymen. If you want to criticize, don't criticize such trivial matters like students eating in trains. Haven't you eaten in the train before? Oh please, we all have. Nobody is born to follow the rules or behave properly. Sometimes, you ought to look in the mirror before you go on criticizing. As much as I like the other sections in the website like Singaporeans sharing their views on soccer and other stuff, I just don't like the "Singapore Seen' section. You're just bloody laughing at yourselves. Yes, YOU. you're posting the damn 'crimes' that these people have done. INSTEAD, WALK UP TO THAT GIRL AND TELL HER 'It would be nice if you don't eat in the train because it's going to stink the whole train' if you just can't stand that awful sight.

People taking photos of other people is as good as being a paparazzi. Just that your targets are singaporeans.

Hi,

13 years ago, if you would have asked me what I wanted to be when i grew up, i'd say i wanted to be a soldier because i was fascinated with the guns and the camouflage uniforms. that's why i joined ncc in secondary school.

now, i really don't know what i want to do in the future. now i'm doing things that can either land me doing in a science course or in the arts industry, theatre specifically. to be honest, i don't know where to go. i love both and i have a passion in both areas but i really don't know where i should go. most of my time now is being occupied either with theatre or with my science projects. now that school is going to resume, 70% of the time is going to be filled with science stuffs. then after school, it'll be either theatre for me or going back home. in life, i feel that an individual should have purpose and i don't know what's mine.
is my purpose to go school?
to be a good son?
to be a good boyfriend?
to be a good friend?
to do something great in life?

i know you have to take life one step at a time and maybe i've been 'running' too much. in the sense that i've been doing too many things that i keep confusing myself. one time, i was cooking and i asked myself whether i should open up a restaurant. then i ask again, in that case, why am i in a science course in poly?

then again i should ask myself. why am i in drama when i'm doing a science course? why couldn't i have joined conservation IG which could make my 'portfolio' look better when i graduate?
when people ask me what course am i in when i'm in drama, they laugh it off and ask me why i join drama? i kinda find that an irrelevant question. is like asking a 'non-atheletic girl' why she likes to watch soccer?

i've always dream to do something big in life. mother has never been proud of me, that's what i think. at least i want to do something in life that when i die, i can die in peace.

2 weeks in australia and this is what i've been thinking lately. a lot going through my head this past few days as i'm about to leave this country. well, sigh. school starts on monday and let's see how life goes from there. now, i'm taking life day by day.

it rained yesterday and the weather is very cold. it dropped till 14 degrees at mid day! that was how cold it was and i was just wearing shirt and three quarter pants.

didn't do much actually yesterday. followed my auntie to do some shopping and that's pretty much it. actually i'm wondering how i would bring back all the stuff that i've bought because there isn't much space in the bags, i guess i have to get bigger ones before i leave.

that's about it.
it's kinda short but yeah.

sorry for the lack of update. internet wasn't available. so this is the rough detiails of what happened these past 2 days.

Friday- I didn't do much because my cousins were out and my aunt had to do something so that pretty much left me and my granny at home. So i spent the whole day watching movies and reading books and going on the internet. At night, we went to this bar to watch my aunt's friend play and apparently he's a drummer and his band played 80s and 70s songs which was not bad for their standard. after that, we wanted to go to the famous casino in perth but i didn't bring my passport do they didn't allow me to go in. my aunt created a scene with the bodyguards, questioning them why i couldn't go in when i brought my IC. It was already like 1 plus in the morning so we decided to come back home instead.

Saturday- Do you know that yesterday was Earth Day and at 8pm, you are encouraged to off all your lights at home so that we can spare a thought for mother nature. Well, it's already a lost cause because it's too late doing this. We just need to be conciously aware of what we're doing and what we can do to delay it. So 8pm, my aunt invitied most of her friends over and we had dinner, IN THE DARK! we brought candles and it was as if it was like for a Valentine's day event. ahahaha.... after that me and my cousin went to this club to look around see how is it like. Well, i would say it's comparably to MOS. ahaha. so yeah.

Sunday- I just came back from a flea market. it was like the market in singapore, at Sungei Road. they sold old/unwanted stuffs at cheap prices but most of the people there went there to buy potted plants because they were really affordable. One thing i learnt that people in perth, during the free time, they commit a lot of their free time to gardening so every house has their own gardens. well, come to think of it, something like this won't happen in singapore. ahaha. soon, i'm off to a place called Fremantle and to the beach.

miss you like crazy dum dum

Frying Brains for sale

day- 5?

yeah i think it's day 5 in perth. days here pass so fast. i think i mentioned that in the previous post. and it's expensive. yeah that too...

well it's friday today and tonight we'll be going to this bar/pub to watch one of my auntie's friend perform and then we'll head to this casino/hotel/event place at Bursewood? It seems that stars like Justin Timberlake has performed here and this weekend, Celine Dion will be taking the stage. It seems a lot of famous people have come and go, unlike Singapore where we get to see stars once in a while.

I came here with the intention of losing weight but NOOO. i've been eating a lot. Every single hour i must munch on something. Like tidbits, chocolates, this DRINK WHICH I LIKE it's called LLB. i'll take a photo of it and then post it when i come back. hmmm... granny's the one been doing the cooking lately, so it's pretty much like what i eat at home. I WAS EXPECTING western food here, but never mind, it's expensive and oily!

okay, i think for now, that's it. i will go back to continue writing the script that i had in mind.

tadah..
and to BJ:
DUDE, STOP IT. I didn't come here to see any chicks. i've already got one back in singapore, right dum dum.

I hear birds all the time

day don't know what-

i'm very tired nowadays. maybe because of the sun or what. everytime i go out and just come back, i feel like sleeping. shit man. i've got no time to write on anything. yeah. but these 2 days, i've been going to the shopping centre nearby to get stuffs like shirts and stuff. yeah. things here are very expensive. like a bottle of water cost 2 dollars. a plate of fried rice cost $8 SINGAPORE dollars but of course it's very nice and the portions are big. the shirts are pretty okay, but compared to singapore, well, you could say some stuffs are cheap some stuffs are pretty much same to singapore.

yesterday we went to the fruit farm which was an hour ride from where i stay. when we reached there, there was nobody. it was like deserted and supposedly, the best fruits come from this place. so my auntie and i quietly stole some fruits from the farm there. not baskets of them ! but just a few. after that we went shopping again. this 2 days has been really spending a lot of money.

now, i just had lunch. grandma cooked tomyam fried noodles and i feel like sleeping again. wanted to follow my cousin to the gym but it's so expensive! 20 dollars?

that's all.
will update soon.
and i don't think i'm posting any pictures, the internet here is slow!
=)

miss you honey! check your email dum dum

Perth 3

day 3 perth-

everyday in perth goes by very fast. before i know it, i'm here typing this post and this morning felt like just minutes ago.
i got sun burnt because of the increase in temperature and at the same time it was cold too!
we went to the south of perth called mandurah to take a river cruise and we managed to see some dolphins. we got there to mandurah by the new rail trains, but unfortunately, it is like very vandalised on the windows. they SCRATCH on the windows.

after that, we had like fish and chips in the cruise itself while looking out to the sea and after it ended, we went to the local stores to get some ingredients to cook dinner. granny wanted to cook some indian curry so we bought a lot of spices. surprisingly, my auntie eats rice here which i find quite odd. i thought australians eat a lot of meat and veggie but she still prefers having 'singaporean' food.

that's pretty much today. i heard we're going to the farm tomorrow to see... fuji apples i think. more riding !

take care

i will buy for you stuffs okayyyyy? love you. muah. missing you

Day 2

Day 2 perth-

we woke up pretty early and cooked banana pancake with auntie. i made one myself and i didn't turn out as what i had expected. at around 10, we met some of aunt's friend and we proceeded to this place called 'Malaga' and we went to the market there. We had lunch there and i was starving. i had kebab with chicken, lamb and beef and i was full after i ate half of it.

then we proceeded to this mosque around the area and just looked around. after that we went to this "nouget' factory. it wasn't really a factory more like a shop and they sell things there SO expensive. we walked around and decided not to buy so much. after that, the uncle we met earlier brought us to a place to drink tea and i couldn't consume anything hot or with caffeine because i've been drinking coffee the whole morning. so i drank this alcoholic-free drink that tasted like beer ahaha. granny at this point was tired and we went back but on the way back we went pass the university that my cousin is studying at.

fyi, the weather is very hectic. the sky is VERY clear and it is hot but once the wind blows, it makes it better. sigh, i wish it was winter!

pictures:



take care !

gum gum miss dum dum. love you and i bought for you things! ahahaha muah <3

PERTH!!

Day 1 in perth-
i've arrived at perth around 4 in the afternoon and boy i was happy. within minutes me and my granny arrived at my aunt's place. perth's kinda like singapore, the sun's as hot as singapore, but it's not very hot. i mean, you can still feel the cool breeze and the temperature is lower than in singapore. it's just that there's no clouds in the sky so the sun shining bright on people here. granny got 'air sick' and she was feeling dizzy because of the flight just now. well, i am happy for her that she finally got to visit my aunt in australia and this is the first time she's in a 'western-ed' country.

i will upload pictures tomorrow as i didn't take any photos today.

knock knock knick knock

i'm going off to perth tomorrow morning and i'm going to have my proper holiday this 'holiday'. my bags are kind of packed and i'm ready to go but half of me tells me that it'll be better not to go. i've suddenly got the damn energy to write a good script, which i hope will work out for SDEA and damn! it HAS to happen before i'm leaving. but hey, i'm going to bring my new laptop, and yes for those who didn't know, i bought a new acer laptop from school and yes, i'm going to WRITE! and enjoy at the same time. so those who visit my blog, i'll update pictures everyday in my stay in perth!

take care guys

They were shining for us

First it was this racial harmony play that i was pulled in to do by gareth.
then it was 24 hours play by play which i acted as kevin.
then it was a playtime performance that was in the airport.
then it was COP.
then it was reality crashes in again as kevin AGAIN.
(i know i'm missing on a few events i've participated in drama)

but really, when i look at this events that i have done, i am only year 2 and balls, i've done a lot. i mean really really alot and i don't know why. maybe i am too nice and i say yes to everything. but hell, i enjoyed every single event. i kinda feel sad that we've said goodbye to our 3 dear drama members, natasha, madhavan and shaun but i know he'll be helping us. we've got a life after graduating. it's either going into NS or you end up working or studying. me being in drama for 2 years officially, i feel that drama.republic has lost really good people this year although i'm talking about like 3 people. the commitment of these 3 people are uncomparable to the rest of the people i know and that's why i respect them to the fullest. i may bitch about maddy but yet i respect him. shaun may not be friendly to know but what i've learnt is that it takes time to know somebody. and there's natasha, she never fails to cheer up people with her jokes and stories.
sigh. well, although these 3 people are leaving, it doesn't mean it's an end to anything. i hope we would still be friends after this.

THANK YOU

i regret getting a new handphone. i should have just stick to the old phones that would serve the exact same purpose except that people would stare at you when you are using something considered 'old'. i was carrying an old phone to the N*k*a Service centre because my current phone kept giving up on me. and when i reach the counter, i was carrying the old nokia phone and the staff assumed i wanted to get that phone repaired and immediately said, 'oh sorry, we don't service this phones anymore'. 'it's okay.' i told myself in my head and made her look dumb when i took out the other newer model.

'oh. paiseh. so what is the problem'

after that incident which i kept thinking in my head, the fact that they have so many people at the service centre, i asked myself why did i buy that phone.

not long after that, i met with my girlfriend which i kind of hate myself for doing. why? the plan was to bring her to this script-reading in the esplanade. usually, script-readings such as this i would expect to last at least 30 mins per script, thinking that they won't read the whole thing. i was wrong. they read the whole script but i pitied my girlfriend who was tired and just came back from work at school selling laptops. ACER!

why would such a competition would want to reveal the whole script to the audience? (this was a competition among 2 playwrights) it is really debatable because the winning script would be showcased as a ticketed performance. so..... you read the whole script........ a few months later..... people would pay to watch it again just that it's with a different cast, a set, and a different location. half of me was saying, 'this is isn't right. bloody good script and this is what they get'. the other half was glad to know the whole story.

it was a good experience because i needed to get some serious exposure in the script writing. honestly, i haven't been writing anything good lately.

like i would to put it, very self-indulgent.

Mother

i don’t care how you feel towards me now,

be it a hug, a cup of coffee

that is all i am asking for

La La la LAAA

At this time.
On this day.
Next week.
I'll be in Australia having my holiday.

I am really looking forward to it and I can safely say that this is my first real holiday in poly life.

Sigh. I will be missing my girlfriend a lot and vice versa. But at times, i just want to get away from life in singapore and just go somewhere unfamiliar and just close my eyes and reassure that nobody i know will come and disturb me unless my granny, whom i am planning to bring there is going to. And YES, i will be bringing my little granny to perth and we'll be staying over at my cousin's place so accommodation has been settled for (THANKS). so i will be looking forward to seeing what can be done during my 2 weeks stay there.

let's see.... hmmm

Moderating Life

nobody knows you unless you say 'hi' or you've done something great in life. appear in box office movie, shot a criminal, won the elections or you've got lots of money. in this world, let alone singapore, there are millions of people and there is only a handful of people that you know closely.

you walk down orchard road and everybody is living their own life. they only care for what concerns them. if GST goes up, they complain. if the road is blocked and they have to take a detour, they complain. if a political party you dislike wins elections, you complain. if hookers came around your neighbourhood, you complain even though there are married men that visit them. see the irony. complain when there's people around but enjoy it in silence. i can't understand the fact why people complain so much and there's nothing they will do about it. just live their lives. how will complaining help if you don't do anything to contribute to society.

i have finally come to understand that we live in a society that cannot accept differences or something unusual. we live such that we have to suit to other people's preference. if you are non-smoker, you cannot have smokers as friends. if you are gay, you are not my friend. if you are handsome, you are my friend. if a stranger says hi to you, that's weird. if a celebrity says hi to you, that's awesome.

the wishful thought in my head that DNA could control characteristics, we would be living a perfect world. we would have the perfect family, the perfect work, the perfect friends, the perfect environment. the perfect life.

random rants.